Monday, October 23, 2017

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F You RealGoodNews!

– Posted in: Publisher's Blog
Keep talking behind my back funny photo

I’ve been told over and over throughout my life to journal, blog, or just WRITE, and I have mostly not followed that advise. Sometimes, I have wished I had, so I could go back over and revisit some moments in my past, then I think it’s just best to move on and let it go; but I have decided to do it now because several people have urged me to, and they believe it could possibly help someone, maybe even me. (I’m guessing me cause I don’t think anyone else is reading it)

I would feel so completely naked and vulnerable if I thought anybody was actually reading this, but my site is not exactly CNN, and these posts are hidden in a button at the bottom, so I don’t really feel like I am “bearing my soul to the world”.

Since I just started this site, I figured it would be a good time to start this and see where it leads me. I am hoping for some self revelations to come from this, but since apparently my expectations seem to run on the high side, I will settle for the slight relief of “getting it off of my chest”.

I guess the thing that made me want to start this TODAY is that I have had some pretty hard hits lately and they are sucking up more of my attention than I would like to give them. I have to go on a radio show called Uncommon Awareness tomorrow with the very intelligent Dr. Lorraine Hurley, and I’m a little worried about that. I am not feeling well today, I am feeling a lot of pressure about RealGoodNews; you know pressure to produce and to do it all right.

I was talking to myself this morning, and yes, – I answer too; and anyway, I am asking myself why am I getting so worked up about not doing a good job on an unpaid project? I don’t know. I just feel it is important. I guess I never do anything unless I feel it is important, and I am here on this Earth on a mission after all. Perhaps because this project is so important to my mission, I feel the pressure. Maybe I’m just a nut who always feels the pressure no matter what, but anyway here I am feeling the pressure; and it doesn’t help that people are unsubscribing faster than I can figure out how to tweet.

Who am I kidding? Why do I think I can even do this anyway? I’m just a girl. Jeez Louise, I really should have started this blogging thing when I was so happy and excited; Hey! It’s the RealGoodNews! I finally did it! Yea!

Now, it’s been a month or so and the attempts to jade me have already begun. Holy cow! I didn’t know it would be so freaking hard to come up with good news that everyone can appreciate! No matter what I publish, people have bad things to say about it — and me. What happened to the old moral concept of “If you can’t say anything nice, don’t say anything at all”?

I guess I am having so much problem with it because I don’t really understand it. One girl who unsubscribed stated as her reason “because you like gun violence”. Whhhaaa? How could someone even come up with this? Either she didn’t read it, or she didn’t understand what she read, but either way, it is still my problem.

Perhaps once again, I let my optimistic attitude obscure my view of the difficulty of the job ahead of me. A somewhat annoying miscalculation of estimation of effort,  —  and counter-effort, which has left me temporarily stuck, spinning in the middle.

I just thought surely everyone would want some RealGoodNews, and yet sometimes the responses to my mailouts make me feel as if I were trying to peddle smut or something. Some of these people act as if I have assaulted them – and then they promptly turn around and assault me with vial words and thoughts.

Well, I know the power of those words, those vial nasty thoughts you send my way, and I know what you are trying to do with them, I understand your fear of the world and your compulsion to destroy because you cannot create, and I am telling you now – you are only hurting yourself.

Recently, I went through a period of great personal loss and pain involving my last company. I had a gang of counterfeiters making more off my product name than I was – WAY more, I had “friends” who crafted internal theft to an amount in excess of my retirement AND entire company assets – WAY in excess, I had attorneys bilking me, I had thieves all around me, I mean Christ they were stealing everything from letter openers and phones, to underwear (yes, underwear) and cooking utensils. I had a crack head squatter steal an entire fully furnished house, appliances, sinks and faucets included, and to top it off I had a P.I. who later extorted $18,000.00 out of me working with a and a pack of rabid police who were gang stalking me! ALL OF THIS WHILE I WAS INCREDIBLY SICK!

Listen, I’m not gonna lie, it KICKED MY A**. But I got to learn a lot through the experience, and one of the things I got to learn is something about my own basic nature and how that effects others; and I’m ok with it now. I didn’t really understand it at first, and I’m not sure I understand it entirely even now, but it is something that I began to witness in my early teens.

What I saw was that every time someone did something horrible to me, usually immediately afterwards they would suffer horrific traumas, accidents, or other major set-backs. It always bothered me and I didn’t really know what it was —  but I knew it was happening. It is one of the things that has caused me the most sadness whenever someone does do something horrific to me. I know what will be coming next for them, and I don’t like it any more than I like what they did to me.

Then one day I was reading a book from a man who ran a very large organization which at the time was focused solely on doing good things for the world, and he recounted that the same thing happened to people who hurt him or his group. I remember him saying that it was not something he was happy about, but if you didn’t believe him, he would show you the long death list. Needless to say, I really “got” this guy.

As I continued to witness this phenomena throughout my life, I never saw it as prominent as in the last few years while the stakes were much higher around me, and the level of deceit and corruption was at an all time high and completely unbearable.

I am already starting to hear tidbits about the people who did these things to me, and what is going on with them now, and I am not liking it. Just sad all the way around.

I found out a few of them who tried to have me falsely incarcerated, have ended up in the pokey themselves. I saw one man who had attacked me while I was sick and he looked like he was standing there with one foot in the grave himself, and I know of another who stole from me, only to lose everything including the kids. Sitting here thinking about it the other day, I realized that apparently that old childhood rhyme “I’m rubber and you’re glue, everything you say bounces off me and sticks to you” seems to have some actual weight in truth.

It’s as if I, and people like me, really are rubber and when people throw their spears, daggers, and arrows, they seem to glance off and wound the wielder. Sure, we get nicked too, but the disparity of the wounds is shocking.

The problem with all of this is that sometimes the dagger is a person, and they bounce too, so if you are not surrounded by a good strong base of people who ARE actually benefactors, then when the bad ones bounce, you are left all alone. This can be a fairly traumatizing and destabilizing occurrence, and one may, as even I initially did, blame oneself. This leads of course to “what’s wrong with me?”, which is definitely a wrong indication.

I realized I was sitting there alone because none of the people who were around me at the time were capable or able to go any further with me, I AM on a mission, you know.  They could only hold me back, and I couldn’t pull them forward; they would now have to do that themselves. They were in my life for a period of time, they took what they wanted, I gave what I wanted, and then we both had other things to do – I certainly know I did.

What I got to realize is that being rubber isn’t bad, it can just be a bit disappointing sometimes when you want so hard to believe in your fellow man, and they stumble,  — or blow the whole place up; but it’s ok, because sometimes our stumbling leads to new understanding in the way to walk, and sometimes blowing things up gives us the opportunity to build something bigger and better than we could have ever before imagined. I also realize that being rubber means I have to be willing to take a few hits, because a lot of people think they can make it stick, and the real idiots are always willing to try a few times.

I have realized that being this type of “catalyst” isn’t so bad either, as it may lead to some important changes that were necessary to occur in others, and the world. I’m not saying I’m a martyr, or willing to be one either, just that sometimes bad things happen and if some good does come out of it, well that’s better than no good coming out of it at all.

I recently read a quote by A.R Bernard that said “Don’t be quick to condemn. Remember, sinners have a future and saints have a past.”, and I believe that it is true; so if any interaction with me, or action taken upon me, good or bad, has caused any good change to stir in the hearts of others, if it has lead to an awakening, a quickening, a catalyzing, or even a casting of some kind, then I’m good with that.

I guess I don’t mind if people don’t want my emails, maybe they didn’t even look at it, but the ones that say nasty things, those are the ones I’m probably here for after all. I’m just trying to give you some RealGoodNews, just a small bright spot in your day. I’m just a girl over here trying to do something good, and all you can say is f you? Wow. Well, f me indeed.

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